Yuri Squared
by animearia
Summary: In which Yuri can't outrun Yuuri and the single most horrifying moment of his life occurs.


_**A/N: So it's been a while since I've done any writing, and I've been struggling for time recently and then struggling to get back in to it...but after binge watching all of YOI and completely falling in love with it...and you know...not being able to focus on anything else (Seriously, I can't watch any other anime, I'm stuck!), I decided my only option was to fic it out.**_

 ** _This is my first YOI fic, and having watched the show through only once, I'm not going to pretend it's perfect...but I was so excited to be excited to write again I just did it! So here we have it. This came to me when I was watching a funniest moments video, and Yurio is my complete favourite so I had to write a fic with him. It's a bit of a silly fic, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!_**

The day wasn't going as Yuri had planned. First Victor pawned the pork cutlet bowl off on Yakov and then…after pushing himself as hard as he could to win…he came in second. _Second. Again._ To the stupid Canadian shit head. Viktor wasn't even there to see his performance, to see how far he'd come….to see how _good_ he was. To see how Yuri would be more than a match for him if he'd come back to competitive skating. This was supposed to be his chance to prove himself. But he came second. _Second._ Yuri could feel the anger welling up again and he clenched a fist, growling under his breath.

It was then the image assaulted him. Yuuri out on the ice, underperforming… _screwing up_ , just because Victor wasn't there, like that was any excuse. He wasn't doing his best, and after everything, after taking Victor away from skating, Yuri couldn't stand to see the other Yuuri messing everything up. He had to admit, Yuuri was a worthy rival, and the sight of him not doing his best infuriated him, adding to the rage he'd been riding high on when he finished up his performance and not quite let go of when he'd realised the stupid pork cutlet bowl hadn't even seen his score.

It was then that the single most horrifying moment in Yuri's life had occurred. And what was worse…that Canadian shit head had been there to see it. He was just lucky he hadn't filmed it for Instagram or Vine. But that was small comfort. He didn't know what had happened, he'd been halfway through his shout when he'd realised what he was doing, his supportive, if not a touch irritated, shout dying in his throat when he'd realised….and realised that JJ had heard. Because he was standing right there. Lurking. Waiting for an opportunity to humiliate him further. _I cheered for the stupid pork cutlet bowl. Cheered. Supportively. I'll never live this down. But…he didn't hear me. He doesn't need to know. I'll make that stupid Canadian keep his mouth shut or else._

Yuri was so busy mumbling to himself murderously that he nearly didn't see the impending danger. Luckily his arch nemesis alerted him. Or rather the sound of the object of his murderous thoughts letting out some kind of pained whimper when he was cut off from his monologue about "JJ Style" snapped him out of his thoughts. He'd looked up, hopeful that someone was carrying out his intentions towards the Canadian. But what he saw instilled fear rather than joy. He could see what was going to happen seconds before it was put in motion and it was only Yuri's quick reflexes that saved him.

Something strange had come over pork cutlet bowl, he had a dead look in his eyes, like a zombie. Yuri watched as Yuuri hugged JJ and he shuddered. He took note of those around him….seeing more than one skater looking dazedly at Yuuri, as they watched him with his latest victim. Time slowed down and Yuri watched as Yuuri released JJ and turned that dead eyed stare on him. _Oh hell no. This is creepy. No hugs. I don't hug anyone….except for Grandpa but that's different. I won't allow the stupid pork cutlet bowl to HUG me…we are not friends. I don't want him getting ideas above his station._ Yuri glowered. _I am not a hugger. I refuse to allow this. I can't take another humiliation today._

"Don't even think about it pork cutlet bowl" he snarled at Yuuri, scowling. But the other skater ignored him….advancing slowly. _What is his problem? Can he not function without Victor!? Is he broken? Do I need to switch him on and off like I do when the wifi stops working?_ Yuri forced himself to swallow…not gulp…swallow. He would face this head on. He wouldn't show fear. He shifted slightly on his feet, preparing himself. He knew what he had to do if he wanted to survive this…..so he utilised his skills from the ice. He executed a sharp, and quick turn, taking Yuuri by surprise, his quick reflexes bought him seconds and Yuri ran as fast as he could. _In his zombie state he won't be able to catch me. Besides…he's old and I am faster._ Yuri thought smugly…until he heard the sound of fast approaching footsteps behind him. He braved a look back to see Yuuri gaining on him.

"NOOOOOO STAY AWAY FROM MEEE" He yelled at Yuuri as he sprinted away as fast as he could. But Yuuri ignored him and kept coming, arms out and reaching. _Just like a zombie, what is his problem?!_ Yuri glanced up, noting the emptiness of the hallways. No help would be coming. No-one would save him from his impending doom. He was alone with the monster. _No. Get a grip. You are faster. Your reputation is at stake. MOVE!_ Yuri psyched himself up as he ran. But Yuuri showed no signs of tiring and he was….he was gaining on Yuri?! _Impossible. What is happening? Body…why are you betraying me? We are faster than that piggy. Damn his stamina. He shouldn't be able to move right now._

Yuri could feel his legs tiring, his thighs screaming in pain as he pushed himself not long after pushing himself the most he'd ever done on the ice. His muscles couldn't take much more, but he carried on. He had to. _Stupid pork cutlet bowl with his extra height and his longer legs and his stupid stamina. That's all it is. Stupid piggy._ Yuri consoled himself. But then he saw it. His salvation. A door. A door to the outside. He could hear his fans chanting his name….his fans would protect him. He'd make them. He just had to make it there in time. They would form a human barrier, it was their duty as his fans to protect him from harm. Yuri pushed himself harder, his goal in sight. _Not much further, nearly there. I have to keep going. I can't let it end like this._ Yuri put everything in to one final sprint, he reached out with one hand towards the door handle. _So close…just a little more…_

Yuri went cold all over, a strangled scream of frustration and terror escaping his throat. _HE'S TOUCHING MEEEEE._ Yuri screamed internally, unable to get any words out of his mouth as the horror of it all choked him, as he felt the cold clammy hands of death wrap around his arm. He struggled to get free, reaching out towards the door but it was useless, Yuuri was tugging on his arm, pulling him backwards. _It's all over….._ Yuri closed his eyes to block out the oncoming horror as he felt arms wrap around him tightly, locking his arms to his body so he couldn't move. _At least…I still have my dignity. No-one is here to see…_ Yuri comforted himself, as Yuuri latched on to him like a leech, hugging the life out of him.

It was at that moment, that the most horrifying moment of his life become the _second_ most horrifying moment of his life. As Yuuri's momentum and hug took the pair of them down to the ground, the two knocked in to the door, and more importantly, knocking the latch on the door, sending it flying open. Yuri opened his eyes as he heard high pitched, girly screaming and felt sunlight on his face. _No. NO. This is a nightmare. WAKE UP YURI WAKE UP._ He squeezed his eyes shut tight, and then opened them again. And again. And again. But the vision stayed the same. Towering over him…his fans….cameras…phones…flashes going off everywhere. _This will be all over the internet in minutes. My life is over. Everything I've worked so hard to build...destroyed._ Yuri started to struggle again but he couldn't break the stupid pork cutlet bowls tight grip, not with his arms plastered to his sides. He kicked and bucked but Yuuri held on.

"AW YURI AND YUURI ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS, LOOK! AREN'T THEY SO CUTE!?"

"What's their ship name?!"

"We should totally call them Yuri Squared!"

"I'm totally hash tagging that when I put this totally adorable photo on instagram!"

"Don't forget to tag them both!"

"Yeah, they'll want a snapshot of this moment in their friendship forever!"

"They'll laugh over it for years to come!"

'Yuri's just so…."

"CUUUUUTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" They all squealed in sync.

Yuri once again closed his eyes as the death knolls of his reputation crashed around him. _Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?_ Yuri felt Yuuri tighten his grip….and..and… _why is he doing that!?_ Yuri thought, as he opened his eyes to look down. Yuuri had moved his head….to Yuri's hair. _Why is he sniffing me? I AM NOT A PORK CUTLET BOWL._

"You're such a good hugger Yuri! Plus you smell like Russia, which means you kinda smell like Victor! I really needed that after today…." Yuuri trailed off sadly. Probably thinking about how far away his precious Victor was. _Victor. This is all his fault. I will crush him._ Yuri felt his rage building up again. He started to struggle again in earnest, and he finally managed to wiggle an arm free. He wasted no time. He promptly started to hit Yuuri with it viciously.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU STUPID PORK CUTLET BOWL?! GET OFF OF ME" he cried as he struggled in vain to get free.

"Now now Yurio, isn't this nice? Interacting with another human in a nice, calm way? I've always thought you just needed to feel loved..." Yuri babbled, completely unperturbed by Yuri's struggles for freedom, or the flailing arm that kept hitting him.

Yuri screeched unintelligibly, before descending in to a stream of Russian swearing, the aw's of his fans providing the soundtrack as he clawed his way to freedom.


End file.
